Having successfully navigated to and taken control of a (mysteriously abandoned) ship, our illustrious heroes Alexander Oidipous and Beavis B. discover the bones of a previous crew and a (mysteriously large) snakeskin.

(“I wanna go on the loudspeaker and say ‘Hey! Hey snake! Come to the cargo hold so we can negotiate!'” “Charisma check?” “I roll a 6!” “The snake ignores you.”)

Weapons were fashioned: (“I want to check the crew quarters for a hair dryer and some duct tape.” “Roll an intelligence check.” “…5. But it’s a bunk! That’s the kind of stuff they’d have!” “You find a hairdryer, no tape.” “Okay. Okay I can work with that. I fashion an explosive hairdryer gun by plugging up the back with rags. If I turn it on, it’ll over heat and blow up.” “…okay. That’s pretty cool.”)

Plans were made: (“Okay, we set out lots of rations to tempt the snake to come.” “The rations attract mice, no snake.” “Oh! Okay! Cool!”)

Things were killed: (“I grab the mice in a sack or something, my jacket, and beat them so the smell of mice blood attracts the snake!” “Roll for dexterity.” “Why? They’re mice!” “Have you ever caught a mouse? Or a rat?” “Yes! All the time!” “…” “…okay, I roll a ten.” “You capture a few mice.” “YES! Now hit them and make them bleed!”)

And conversations were had: (“Hey snake, we got some mice for you!” Snake: “I actually prefer biscuits, but thanks for the offer. Why shouldn’t I eat you, exactly?” “Oh… Um… Pssst, toss me the hair dryer gun!… Because I have a hair dryer gun on me at all times!” Snake: “All times?” “Yes! All times!” Snake: “Okay.”)